Fun In The Basement

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Sunday, June 28, 2009

There is just too much news.  Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson…..Tuesday we are going down to Shady Side Medical Hospital, to see a cancer specialist, as my mother-in-law, Tomas’s mother, has an “unidentifiable mass”.

Didn’t we just go through this with me?

I am not ready for my mother-in-law to get bad news, she is the mother I have always wanted. I got lucky, I found her. I love her.

Her attitude is great.  She will keep mushing on, at 79 years old, no matter what they say.

We have a plan, to take her and her husband to Ogunquit, Maine, in the next year.  I believe she will be kicking ass and taking names on her vacation.  :)

In the meantime, she always reminds me to get out of depression by being silly, so this is for Frances Hartsky.

sometimes you have to tilt your head.........

and tilt?

Until you come up for air.

Kevin Greutert, Director of “Saw VI” – YES!

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Sunday, June 14th, 2009

As all of you know, it is one year ago this month that Tomas and I were in Ojai, Ca., beginning the execution of a plan that had been brewing for a long time – moving back East.  We were out of the dreaming/hoping stage, and staring, somewhat slack-jawed at the reality of a 26-foot Penske moving truck with a flatbed to haul our Volvo. Two people, two cats and a crow all crushed together in the cab, with only a city as our destination, and many motel 6’s in-between.

Fast forward one year later – we found our home on the North Side of Pittsburgh, plenty of pictures can be viewed here.

Two nights ago something reminded me of an old friend of mine, Kevin Greutert. I was hesitant to give him a Google, as the last person I thought about and Googled turned up dead – that is for another time.  I am still bothered by it, and have been struggling to write a decent post.

Consequently, I kicked around the idea of seeing what Kevin was up to – I had talked to him about a year and a half ago, we usually exchange a few e-mails a year, and when Bush was re-elected in 2004, I called him, absolutely hammered on single malt scotch and a raging anger that the world was coming to an end.

Sigh.  My poor friends.

Kevin and I met on the film “Jungle to Jungle”, where he was the picture assistant and I was the music assistant to editor Ken Wannberg.  For some unknown reason, I was not taking this job all that seriously, and spent most of my time on the mixing stage drinking extremely strong eggnog and giving one of the more smarmy, lecherous producers as much shit as I possibly could.  In the spirit of that hangover of Christmas past, I will not name names.

Needless to say, it was my last Disney film. However, I met two seriously cool people on that film – my husband Tomas Hradcky, and Kevin Greutert.

I was not in the greatest emotional frame of mind on that film, and Kevin, with his dry wit and easy, relaxed demeanor, basically saved what little was left of my sanity.

Kevin got his first big  break by getting his ass in the editors seat on (at the time) a little horror film called “Saw”.  I remember being really excited for him when the film went through the roof.  So, as I mentioned, we have managed to keep in touch, albeit sporadically, since that long ago silly Disney film.

Many years ago he called me, very upbeat, as he had met a girl he really, really liked. Fast forward, and he and his girlfriend  Elizabeth Rowin get married, and when he speaks of her, he still sounds completely over the moon for her.  A happy man in his personal life.  I have yet to meet Elizabeth, but feel like I know her, from Kevin’s conversation. I get the happy sense that Kevin found his soulmate.

Kevin is the film editor of all five of the “Saw” films, and last time we spoke, he was on his way to edit “Saw V”.   I asked him how did he handle the gore, and he made one of his great, low-key comments, basically insinuating that he is forever a little tweaked, but overall, he is fine.

Well, I decided to gather my courage, work on the premise that he was not dead, and I Googled him.

He is alive and well, and I am thrilled to report that he has been given the reins to direct “Saw VI”, and if you are a “Saw”  maniac, you can read all about it here.

I have read his whole blog about how the “Saw” franchise has changed his life, and he is now sitting in the directors seat.  As I read each post, my excitement for him and for Elizabeth just skyrocketed.

All I can say is, finally, finally – one of the good guys gets a break.  It so rarely happens, and when it does, the earth tilts a little bit in the right direction, I like to think.

Kevin is one of the nicest, smartest, funniest, most hardworking people I have ever met.  He deserves every bit of success he gets.  God knows, he has earned it.

Even though Tomas never got to cross paths with Kevin, he has heard me speak so often and so highly of him, and we are both out of our collective tree with excitement at this new career turn his life has taken.

Raise a glass!

Congratulations Kevin and Elizabeth!

Score a big one for the good guys!

One Undeniable Fact.

This morning, Sarah Palin told Matt Lauer that David Letterman needed to apologize to all women for a joke he made.

Fact: Sarah Palin is not the official mouthpiece for all women.  Sarah Palin does not speak for all women.  I can cite this as a fact, as I am a woman, and Sarah Palin most certainly does not speak for me.

No apology necessary, Dave.

Okay, All You Obama-Haters! Time To Send Your Message!

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, June 4th, 2009

So, for those of you out there who did not vote for and love to mock and disparage President  Obama- I have a question.

If you qualified for the $250 stimulus check, and woke up a week or two ago, went to balance your checkbook, and saw the automatic deposit of $250 extra dollars in your bank account, did you put your money where your mouth is and promptly send it back?

I would absolutely love to hear from one person who despises President Obama and his ideals for the country to write to me and tell me you refused the money, and be able to prove it.

If, for some reason you may have tried to return the stimulus check to the government, and they will not accept it, you can always send it to me.  That way you can stay noble and righteous in your hatred and disdain. By all means, show me how against “Socialism” you really are!  Please!

I have a feeling the comments section is going to be pretty quiet this week.

Christian Terrorists Alive and Well In the U.S.

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Sunday, May 31st, 2009

I really do not know where to start.  George Tiller, a late term abortion doctor, was shot and killed  this morning while serving as an usher at his Wichita, Kansas Church.

 

You can read the full story here.

The folks who are screaming “Murder” at abortion clinics do not believe in murder, and proved it by…………Murdering someone!

And to prove the point, the murderer of the doctor stands right by  the body in defiance, righteous in his beliefs……oh, I am sorry, that is in my fantasy of people who are deeply committed to a cause.  

In reality, the shooter of Dr. George Tillman ran. Shot him in church and fled the scene like the fringe Christian coward that he is.

I live in Pittsburgh, and there is a Womens Hospital in the city, I just had surgery there.  They are a full hospital that specializes in the specific needs of women, from pregnancy, delivery, OB-GYN, Mid-life, Menopause, everything.

I had to go to the emergency room about a week before my surgery, as I was in so much pain from what is called Serous Cystadenofibroma, not pregnancy related.

I was referred to the Women’s Hospital by the wonderful Doctors at the Northside Christian Health Center.  Let me repeat.  The Northside Christian center referred me to the Women’s Hospital.

As Tomas tried to pull into the big parking lot of this amazing, big beautiful hospital, looking for where he could flag down a wheelchair as I was in so much pain I could not walk, he was blocked by picketers, showing their tired pictures of abortions, yelling their tired rhetoric, as we are trying to pull in and a ninety year old ambulatory woman was trying to get out.

I had enough strength to flip them the bird, at least.

Hey, Fringe Anti-choice Christians?  I have a message for you:

You make God and Jesus sick to their stomachs.

I would venture to say that you murdering bastards are going to burn in hell along with the rest of us.

 

Note:

Author credit above in red, because she is about to have an aneurysm from how angry this event has made her.

A Nazi Outfit in a Dream?

Hello boys and girls - 

I am back, and very very tired.  I have been relieved of a few body parts, none of which I were using.

I was given extremely strong pain medication, ick.  I have spent a good portion of my life staying away from ingesting anything mind-altering and strong.

So I dumped all of them in the loo, and have been trying to get my sleep pattern back to normal while we wait with bated breath on tests and results.

My dreams have gotten really weird – last night, for instance……..

 

Los Angeles,  Mid – Wilshire  Area, Dusk, 1978.  

It is as it was in 1978, desolate and quiet when I would drive, late at night listening to music and enjoying the silent, deserted streets.

However, in the dream, a person can only go out at night, it is the future, and there is a slowly forming gang who look like SS Officers.  They can help you or kill you, and it does not matter what your race or gender is, they are utterly unbiased, your fate lies in their taste or mood.

In the dream I have a friend, one I recognize from awake life. His nickname is “Homo” and for the life of me I cannot, until now, remember his real name.

His name is Chris, he was the boyfriend of my long ago friend Wanda.  They parted without anger, just faded from each other like an old fax from long ago, stuck behind the  fax machine.

But she is not in the dream, there is a man, apartments, and a phone.  ’Homo’ calls, and tells me that I can get to where I want to be, which used to be called East Hancock Park, or Mid Wilshire, it stretched for miles – but I have to pay the Nazi SS money.  This goes against every fiber of my living self.

“You can give us the car, if you have no money, he says, trying to be helpful, but it is clear that he has joined “the Party”, and is unwilling to give up his beginners status to help a friend.

I need to get down to Venice Boulevard, Tomas is waiting there, and somehow when we hookup, we will be out of this forever hot dry dusk nightmare.  

I hang up on Chris, refusing to give up my car.  A man approaches, a man I do not recognize either in awake, dream, or television state.

He has his own face.

“The only way you can get to Pico Boulevard, then to Venice Boulevard, is to wear this,” – he holds the suit out, his voice compassionate but neutral.

It is a Nazi SS suit with no insignia,and it is tailored perfectly.  A bathroom is available, I try it on.  It fits.  I go between bouts of vomiting and admiring myself.

I wake up to the fading sound of my heels clicking crisply toward someone’s destination.

 

© 2009 Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

Kidney Stones? On Easter? AGAIN?

By Kelly Mahan jaramillo, 15 April, 2009

I can NOT believe this.  Friday I had to finally cave in and go to the emergency room, as I was in so much pain it felt as if I were being slowly murdered by an unseen assailant. 

Allegheny General Hospital is amazing – there is just no medical treatment like this in Los Angeles.  They actually ask what is hurting you before they ask if you have insurance.  Well, slap me silly.

It is funny, because now that I have full health care coverage, I am dying to pull out my insurance card, only to be met with – “Oh, we don’t need that right now – let’s get you comfortable first.”

But…but…I WANT to show you my insurance card!

Okay never mind. I have limited energy right now, as for the last seven days I have been in so much pain, and still am, that I still am operating on a very small amount of juice.

It just so happens that we went to the Emergency room on Good Friday.  Sorry – “Good” my ass.  I asked Tomas which one was good Friday, and he said it was the day that Jesus died.

Why is that Good?  I reasoned that if this was the day that one was supposed to die, then let’s turn the car around, go home, and call it a life.

Tomas was having none of my ignorant non-Catholic pain induced ravings, and although he laughed, he kept driving to the hospital.

After a temporary pic-line was put in after blood was drawn, I had x-rays, a CT scan, a pelvic exam, and they wanted to give me an Ultrasound, but they had closed early for the holiday.

What did they find?  That my body, which has decided it does not like me anymore, had been throwing kidney stones like an angry Palestinian.  They saw about three or four marching through tubes, and one really big guy (he must be kind of stupid) still sitting in the kidney, looking for the exit.

I think he is traveling down tonight, so I have to keep this short, but if you go back to the post one year ago called “Easter Sunday, What A Blast!”  You will read about Tomas’s bout with kidney stones.

We bought $60 worth of chocolate from the Boy Scouts, lit candles in memory of our city’s police officers Stephen Mayhle , Paul Sciullo  and Eric Kelly. We tried to come up with a nice gift for our ten year old nephews birthday.  We are worried at running out of wild animal food for the outdoor animals.

In short, we are not evil people, and yet……for some reason, Jesus is getting a kick out of giving us Kidney stones every Easter.

Maybe Jesus is sick of always hearing that his dad has such a great sense of humor.

Hey – anything we can do to help you with your father complex, dude. We’re here for you.

Sometimes, There is Nothing Funny In a Situation.

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, 6 April, 2009

I no longer have my best defense – a joke.

This is my new adopted home.

My market, my health food store, my neighbors – - – so nice, so friendly.

Today, so subdued.

We saw it in their eyes.

I have much more to say on this subject, but I can write no more, as this is personal, and my vision keeps going salt water blurry.

In memory of:

Officers Stephen Mayhle (MAY’-lee), Paul Sciullo (SHOO’-loh) and Eric Kelly.

When I die???

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, 4th April ‘09

I  wish I could do this:

Here in north east Ohio
Back in eighteen-o-three
James and Danny Heaton
Found the ore that was linin’ yellow creek
They built a blast furnace
Here along the shore
And they made the cannon balls
That helped the union win the war

Here in Youngstown
Here in Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I’m sinkin’ down
Here darlin’ in Youngstown

Well my daddy worked the furnaces
Kept ‘em hotter than hell
I come home from ‘Nam worked my way to scarfer
A job that’d suit the devil as well
Taconite, coke and limestone
Fed my children and made my pay
Then smokestacks reachin’ like the arms of god
Into a beautiful sky of soot and clay

Here in Youngstown
Here in Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I’m sinkin’ down
Here darlin’ in Youngstown

Well my daddy come on the 0hio works
When he come home from world war two
Now the yards just scrap and rubble
He said, “Them big boys did what Hitler couldn’t do”
These mills they built the tanks and bombs
That won this country’s wars
We sent our sons to Korea and Vietnam
Now we’re wondering what they were dyin’ for

Here in Youngstown
Here in Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I’m sinkin’ down
Here darlin’ in Youngstown

From the Monongahela  valley
To the Mesabi iron range
To the coal mines of Appalacchia
The story’s always the same
Seven-hundred tons of metal a day
Now sir you tell me the world’s changed
Once I made you rich enough
Rich enough to forget my name

In Youngstown
In Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I’m sinkin’ down
Here darlin’ in Youngstown

When I die I don’t want no part of heaven
I would not do heavens work well
I pray the devil comes and takes me
To stand in the fiery furnaces of hell

Song and lyrics – Bruce Springsteen

Mr. Steele? Ummmm

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

I did not ask you to flip out.

 

Settle Down, Man!  Use your (okay we will not say liberal/logical) head!

 

Oy-ah-mey