Someone Needs To Buy Sarah Palin A ‘Porta-Podium’.

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Nov. 26th 2008

This woman just will not quit campaigning, will she? Wherever there is a Republican politician in need, Sarah the Celebrity Republican from Alaska will don her black thigh high boots, short black skirt, bright red top, and throw on her cape, pull the pins out of her bun and….da-da-da DAAA!! One fist out, the other at her side, she will be there, stumping her little heart out.

First stop: Georgia. As you all know, some time next week, Sarah is going to hop on a private jet provided by somebody, or fly first class on the RNC’s nickel, or, being the fiscally responsible gal that she is, she will just use her SuperWoman powers and jet through the sky on her elephant shaped broomstick.

She will whip up a crowd to help Republican Saxby Chambliss in his tight race against Democratic runner Jim Martin, screeching something along the lines of,

“Lettin’ people know that this here Jim is not one of us, he is, you know, I read it in the New York Post, I mean Gazette, I mean, I read it somewhere, anywhere, in something that was on my desk, I don’t know where I read it, ask Katie Couric, anyway, you all should be aware of those facts, that he is pallin’ around with people, people we don’t know, and I feel it is a real issue about truth and real Americans need to know who he associates with! What do these people do? Who are they? For all we know, the could be plottin’ against America right now, by savin’ their money, or spendin’ their own money and not someone else’s that is not American, that kind of action is anti-American, and we Pro-Americans, we six-pack drinkin’ stay at home sports watchin’ animal killin’ Americans, we need to know the TRUTH about Jim Martin!!! I’m just sayin’!”

So, hang in there, normal people from Georgia – once you have been hammered by a few days of the above nonsense, if you manage to not hurl your Thanksgiving leftovers so violently that you wind up hospitalized, she will be gone, on her way to Philadelphia (a scream from this lone blogger, now she will be WAY to close for comfort – I need a giant smudge stick for my state on that day) to be with other Governors, both Democratic and Republican, to participate in a meeting put together in part by the National Governor’s Association to meet with President Elect Barack Obama. I let out a big sigh. I am quite certain that his positive focused energy will neutralize her, and my state will not be left with weird rancid smelling random scorch marks across it.

However, could someone remind Sarah the Flying Diva that she has a freaking state to run?

Sarah, sweetie, I know that standing on stage behind a podium, squealing a the top of your lungs like a human bullhorn while a bunch of knuckle dragging men wonder what you look like naked are writhing in ecstasy, and a bunch of women with eight to twelve kids all believing they are “just like you” roar through the crowd in their Sarah Palin 2012 sweatshirts, talking to any microphone shoved in their faces, well, it just does not compare to staying home in your own state, where you are Governor, and actually doing some work. I know, hon. It’s hard.

May I toss a little breaking news your way? Alaska is in a bit of trouble right now, what with the price of crude oil dropping to an all time low. You seem to know this, you squawk it out every time you are in front of the camera, you blither on about how much work there is to do, so why are you not staying in your state and putting your nose to the grindstone for the huge problem facing you down the line? Is it just more fun to pretend you are Dr. Jacob Hood from the T.V. show “The Eleventh Hour”, called in at the last minute when Republican politicians are seeing their perceived victory sliding from their grasp no matter what they say or do?

It must be, babe, cause when the phone rings at the Alaska Governor’s mansion, Super Sarah has left the building. She has left the State.

I have started a fund for Alaskans: Buy Sarah Palin a Porta-Podium. It is an amazing little invention, and it will only work IN ALASKA.
She can fold it up and tuck it neatly at the bottom of her suitcase, and she can trot around the state and stump FOR ALASKA. She can go from town to town, and detail her plan for the coming year, and the year after, to reassure Alaskans that they are not going to freeze to death next winter, and what she is going to do to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Sarah, honey, I know it is not as much fun as being a tarted up WonderWoman, and you will have to use your wild little imagination to come up with a bad guy to point fingers at and blame, but I have faith you will be able to pull it off. But, sweetcakes, first you have to understand the basics of Campaign 2008. It is over. You Lost. It is time to stay home and work. If you still feel the need to be in front of a crowd, we will all chip in and buy you the Porta-Podium, okay? Because we know you and love you so, we are well aware that you do not pay for anything yourself, so we, the American People, will buy it for you.

For those of you who wish to contribute to the “Sarah Palin Porta-Podium Fund” we are in the process of setting up a website and a PayPal account – coming soon.

However, from what I understand, there are many progressive, brilliant, hardworking, honest Alaskans who do not WANT little Sare-Bear to do her job anymore! She might wind up passing another heinous law like the Wasilla rape kit issue, or the wolf helicopter hunting horror – there is still so much more damage to be done. Perhaps it is a good thing that she is under the impression that she is still on the campaign trail. Maybe it’s best to let her time as Governor run out as she jets around, and you Alaskans can quietly work to kick her out of office for good.

If you prefer to donate to a real cause, and this is not a joke, please go to:

Alaskans For Truth

and donate. I just donated a paltry $5, but every little bit helps, and if you care at all about the many people up in Alaska who are watching their beloved state get annihilated by dirty politicians, and Palin is becoming one of the really scary dirty ones, then please help them.

Go read Mudflats.

Go read Shannyn Moore

Go read about what Alaskans are having to deal with, and have been dealing with LONG before any of us in the lower 48 had a clue as to what was going on up there. It is horrifying.

My last note:
Eight years ago, my brother Kerrigan took my father on a fishing trip to Alaska. They came back with stories of how breathtakingly beautiful it was, how nice the people were, the abundance of wildlife to be watched and enjoyed, not killed – they caught a lot of salmon and we all got to experience fresh salmon that had not been poisoned by oil polluted waters – it was the last trip my father took before he died. I would like the Alaska he experienced to be the same Alaska Tomas and I experience when we go there someday.

Help Alaska, everyone.

Thanks,

Kelly Mahan Jaramillo

Quote for the Day

Brought to you by Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Nov. 18, 2008

“The greatest tragedy in mankind’s entire history may be the hijacking of morality by religion.”

Arthur C Clarke

I Needed A Break, But Sarah Palin and Prop 8 Said No

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Nov. 12, 2008

Okay, between the Sarah Palin interviews, and the horrifying fact that Proposition 8 passed in California, well, I have to drag myself back to the keyboard, just for the sake of my gay and pro-choice friends.

My brother always had a funny saying when he felt something absolutely stunk to high heaven. He would call said event and the people involved a “moosefuck”. It always cracked me up, but I have never found it so fitting as during Sarah Palin’s interviews at her Wasilla home (nice pad, Queenie) – ‘actin’ lika normal family, ya know, just cookin’ up some moose stew and moose hot dogs cause that’s what we eat here in Alaska…’ yeah, normal families have their seven-year-olds wearing spike high heels while holding an infant, but oh never mind – the only person who has the stomach to fully dissect Palin’s interviews is mudflats.

All I can add is my brother Kerrigan Mahan’s funny, and totally appropriate line – those interviews are a complete moosefuck, dinner and all.

Now to Prop. 8. I could go on for pages, but I am going to let the wonderful, brilliant, funny, and spot on Keith Olbermann do the talking in the video below.

Link to the Video – Sorry for the ad.

Finally, I Can Go Back To Worrying About My Hair.

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Nov. 11, 2008

Folks, I am tired. Aren’t you? I am exhausted and exhilarated, still checking the senate issue, still shaking my head at the Palin silliness, still very happy about John McCain’s graceful concession speech, and Obama’s amazing acceptance speech, in which both men had nothing but positive and hopeful things to say about each other, and that they will work together, for all of us.

Many people on both sides are very cynical about what was said by both men, and what is really going on, however I choose to remain positive, but also vigilant. I will be holding my elected officials to their promises, and if they do not do as they said, and work for us, the people, they will not get my vote again. I have done this with many elected people in my own party.

However, I need a break. I am tired, and it shows. I have been waking up, reading voraciously, writing, and working non-stop, when yesterday, I looked in the mirror and realized that my hair was going in about a thousand different directions, every strand screaming for attention.

Some background on my hair. It used to be down to my waist.

 

2+ years ago I was in a massive car accident, 57 stitches in my face, as my seat belt was not tight across my shoulder, so when I was hit, the lower part of my body stayed put, but my torso went flying in half a circle, with my head smashing through the passenger side window.

After one year, I started noticing these weird bumps in my head when I washed my hair. A lot of weird bumps. We tried, through all of this hair of mine, to figure out what they were. As one of the many Americans who cannot afford health insurance, we had no choice but to try and doctor the problem ourselves.

The problem turned out to be 3 big chunks of glass that had been deeply embedded in my skull, and had been spending the better part of 2006 trying to work their way out.

We started the rather gory process of dislodging them, and came to the conclusion that we were going to have to get rid of the hair. So, we shaved my head, and proceeded to start pulling out these large chunks of glass. As you can see below, Tomas shaved his head also, in support.

It was fun being bald, I can cross that off my “list of things I have never done”. Sadly, just as my hair had grown out to a reasonable shoulder length, in March of 2008, more glass started showing up, and we had to shave it off and go through the whole process again. A few acquaintances thought I was going for the “white supremacy” look, (that is why they were acquaintances, not friends) strangers thought I was ill. I was over the bald look.

I think all of the glass has come out, and now my hair is in that irritating stage of “not long enough to pull back, but long enough to flop around and get in my eyes and drive me nuts.

In Los Angeles, I did not have the time nor the money to go have it professionally dealt with, we were a little too busy moving across the country.

Once settled in our house, we finally had time to take a breath, and dive into the election.

We, like so many others, stayed up late and watched the election results unfold. It was a wonderful night.

Yesterday, we drove over an hour to go visit T’s family, and we all caught up in a whirlwind of discussion.

When we got home last night at 10 p.m., I had about 25 e-mails waiting for me. Bleary eyed, I tried to write back to as many as I could.

This morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and decided to take part of the day off to do something about my damned hair.

Boy, it felt good to do something personal, mundane, a little vain, a little fun – just for a few hours this morning. Do my own trimming, my own coloring, freshen up a bit to start a new day.

I wanted to go into our brave new direction looking as uplifted and happy as I am feeling.

Call it shallow, vain, superficial, whatever. I got to fix my hair this morning, and IT FELT GOOD!

Congratulations Americans everywhere – we all did a helluva job, and although there are some disappointments – Prop 8 in California, Michelle Bachmann getting re-elected, the many recounts needed, especially Al Franken in Minnesota, overall, I have to echo Shannyn Moore, quoting Martin Luther King, on this one:

“FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, WE’RE FREE AT LAST”

Obama/Biden 2012

Conservative Democratic and Republican Voters – NO GLOATING!

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Nov 3, 2008

For all of us voting for Obama, and being hyper-alert that our vote is counted, and counted correctly, (remember, if you are at an electronic voting machine, be certain it is “calibrated” correctly, and do not leave the booth until you see that your vote for Obama stays put – watch the video on the post two below) – there is a good chance we will win tomorrow.

A very, very good chance. I am not calling for early celebration here – there is work to be done up to the last minute, and I hope we are all doing our part.

However, remember when Bush ‘beat’ Kerry in 2004? For those of us who were horrified when he was ‘elected’ in 2000, and we all worked our asses off to make sure we would get him out in 2004 – do you remember how we were treated by the hard right when Kerry ‘lost’ in 2004?

They rubbed our faces in it, relentlessly, for years. Talk radio swelled with right wing pundits making joke after joke at the “idiot Liberals” — the Ann Coulters, the Bill O’Reilly’s – they all screamed and bellowed and sneered and…..well, they continue to do so, only there is a slight tinge of fear and hysteria in the nonsense they spout.

I hope you have been able to make them “white noise” and just endure the last four years of our rights being taken away, one by one – those of you who are aware that our rights have been taken away, that is.

There are still McCain/Palin supporters who believe that Barack Obama as President will take away their rights. They haven’t quite realized that October 17th 2006, when the Military Commissions Act was signed by George W. Bush, was Black Tuesday insofar as Americans having “Freedom” and “Rights”.

Senator Obama cannot take away something that has already been taken from us, people. He can restore it. He will restore it.

I wish for all of us who vote for him tomorrow to dance in the streets, hug our neighbors, honk our horns, cry buckets of joyful tears, do whatever we want in celebration – except for one thing. The hardest request I ask of my fellow Obama supporters is:

PLEASE. Do. Not. Gloat.

It will be tempting, but if you are behind Barack Obama and Joe Biden, please listen to and practice their message of unity, not divisiveness.
Reach out to the people who voted for McCain, and see if you can find some common ground, whether it be on the internet, or in your neighborhood.

Joe Biden asked for it in his speech yesterday at Florida State University in Tallahassee, where a group of about 30 McCain supporters who were outside the gates of the event, heckling and blaring sirens through a bullhorn. After he indulged in a small joke about it, he got serious.

“We can’t move past the politics of division unless after this election is over, if God willing we win, we reach out to the very people out in the outer parking lot,” Biden noted moments later. “I mean it literally. Not a joke.”

“I know you find some of that obnoxious, but the folks… — look folks, we gotta reach out, we gotta end this,” demanded the Delaware senator. “Somebody’s got to be big enough to stand up and end this.”

I ask everyone please, tomorrow night, please resist the urge to rub their noses in it. I know I want to get up like Dr. Cox on “Scrubs” and start singing a baptist hymn “Payback is a Bitch!” – but I am going to resist. I am going to dig very deep into the better part of my soul and do what my elected officials are asking me to do when they asked for my vote.

I hope you do the same.

Even Though It Is From 2004, This Might Be Good To Remember

By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Nov 1, 2008

A small excerpt from Michael Moore’s free film, “Slacker Uprising” – a film he made in 2004 as a thank-you to everyone who has supported his films for the last 20 years. Go to the link if you want to watch and read all about it. Below is a small video that I found extremely relevant for getting through these next few days.