By Kelly Mahan Jaramillo, Dec 31, 2010
Okay after the last two posts, I think I have my sanity back. Stop laughing, you.
The emotional outburst of the last post has me a little flushed and embarrassed. I almost deleted the whole damned thing, frustrated that I could not wrestle this particular subject to the ground. It is a mess that I cannot seem to clean up, but just as an exercise in getting a little more comfortable with my messes, I am leaving it up and moving on.
It is New Years Eve, Tomás and I are going to eat warm pumpkin pie and watch something very silly on television, nothing fancy. As I was puttering around the house it occurred to me that every year without exception, everyone always says,
“Thank God this year is over, I am ready to be done with it! God, this year sucked, I cannot wait to start the New Year!” Or “Man, I do not want to THINK about this year anymore!” You know, some sentiment along these lines.
The more I think about it, the more odd it seems.
Why? Let’s just take 2010. Like every year, there have been some great moments and some horrific ones, both globally and personally. But what makes people think that 2011 is going to be a daisy fresh romp in the park with unicorns and fairy dust?
Let’s face it, 2011 is going to be worse than 2010 and here’s why.
The 2012 presidential campaign is going to start in earnest. You think the talking heads drove you nuts this year? We are all going to be permanently cross-eyed by the time New Years 2011 rolls around. And everyone will be saying they are so glad 2011 is over, only to realize that we are actually going into 2012, and, well, I cannot even go that far without wanting to hurl myself off of a cliff.
The Kardashians are not going anywhere. Nor are The Jersey Shore’s Snookie and JWoww, Justin Beiber, The Housewives, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie what’s-his-fuck and other assorted flotsam and jetsam that grace the covers of the racks of rag mags yelling at you while you stand in the checkout line.
Sarah Palin’s Alaska is going to be renewed due to high ratings because everyone loves a train wreck. She will not be running for President. Enjoy this moment of looking forward to the upcoming year.
And….Buzzkill!
Michelle Bachmann is running in 2012. DAMN, you are going to want to be back in 2010 if that bug-eyed batshit crazy ass bitch is our next President. Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! Please somebody get Christopher Lloyd to hit the clocktower, please.
If you have a job, it will be a miracle. If you are making the same wage that you made in 1995, it will be a triple hot-fudge sundae with a fucking cherry on top miracle.
Arizona’s “Ethnic Studies Ban” starts tomorrow. Lucky Arizona! The rest of the countries racist asshats have to study all races and ethnicities. But those people are also saying “Woof, thank god 2010 is over!” Unless your racist pig face – Hi Rush! – lives in Arizona, I would think you’d be kind of bummed out. Or maybe you are planning on moving to Arizona in 2011. Good. Go Now. Happy 2011, don’t let the door hit you in your drunk racist ass.
You thought 2010 was all kinds of upside down in the weather arena? Studies show that it is going to get more extreme in 2011. Hot Dog! We get to alternately bake and freeze and flood when we least expect it. I guess we just look at the climate change as a type of camping indoors. Sportsman’s Warehouse, here we come! Oh wait, we’re broke. It’s not sounding like much fun anymore. I miss 2010 already, don’t you?
If you have kids, they are outgrowing their clothes faster than you can replace them. They need all kinds of new techno/gear-crap while you still make do with your old 2004 iBook G4. If you have a kid in college, the next year of tuition is due. Ouch.
Twitter will become too much effort, some tech geek genius will introduce ‘Tweaker’ where everybody can communicate with emoticons only. He will become a billionaire, and Hollywood will make a movie about him with no actors or dialogue in it. It will gross billions and garner rave reviews. You won’t understand it, but you will smile and nod and agree that it is a brilliant film, all the while secretly missing 2010.
I could go on but my pie is getting cold. I guess the biggest confusion for me is why is everybody so happy and excited to leave the old year behind and embrace the New Year, when the only thing really going on is that we are slowly slogging towards our own demise?
I don’t know about you, but I kind of wish 2010 would stick around awhile longer, stave off the inevitable.
Of course, for those of you who believe the world is going to end in 2012, I have a feeling you may not be all sweaty and drunk and happy that 2011 is over.
After all, it would be kind of rude to your last year on earth to kick it to the curb before Armageddon hits on Dec 21st, 2012, wouldn’t it?
Unless you are one of those Rapture folks. YOU guys are all excited, so getting rid of this pesky 2010 – I get it. You are itching to board the Rocket to Heaven, and are super excited about the rest of us burning in Hell. Don’t let my musings rain on your parade. I totally support your Party of Parties in 2012.
Me, I’m going to miss 2010. It, like every year before it, was packed full of life. I’m sorry to see it go.
But, we must not be rude to our incoming guest, 2011. Let’s pull out the fairy dust and champagne for another year filled with more chaos, idiocy, and mayhem.
And may a hell raising good time be had by all.
Happy New Year, everybody!
I love this post! So full of intimate wisdom! I am one of those that, like you, am not at all thrilled that 2011 is right around the clock. What is it that they say “and enemy known is an enemy defeated and one that just showed up takes a hell of a lot of energy just to begin, the “getting to know part”! Perhaps it is a matter of fear of the unknown. Of course this makes me ulimately human. Perhaps welcoming the new year with arms wide open is a testimony to the “never giving up” motto. Perhaps it cradles the human spirit at a time when the human spirit is being barraged with so much noise that we are having a hard time separating the vowles from the consonants. The end of a year and the beginning of a new one used to mean something to me. I too, once felt the excitement of a “brand new day dawning”. I am not quite sure what has changed. Perhaps it might have something to do with going into the ER and being seen by a doctor that must be no older than 12. Maybe it is somehow connected to how I wish my birthdays would pass quietly and no one that cares for me remembers them. My parents are still alive and I am not just yet “next in line”. but I am, never the less, in line. I think maybe I may know too much, read too much, reading between the lines more than I would like, which really ruins one of the things that I enjoy most in this life of mine. For me though, it’s looking more like becoming a bystander. Seeing things I don’t want to see and feeling things I don’t want to feel. Understanding very acutely that, someone else has my destiny in thier back pocket. Someone else is calling the shots and the more the clock ticks forward, the more clearly I see it. Maybe if it I didn’t have had to fight for my own identity, this would be less distrubing, but since I have had to spend half my life fighting to keep others in thier place, there is a certain indelible feeling that, I have perhaps fought that fight and I am losing quite miserably. Of course, anyone that knows me, knows that the fighting will continue but fighting with an individual human being trying to “take over” my life is not the same as fighting, what is turning out to be an entire army of which I may or not be able to escape. So, as I sit here by myself watching television and waiting for my other half to get home, I can only focus on this one thing that has pretty much taken over my very existence. What must be done to survive 2011 and might it be worth the effort, when 2012 comes? Who knows what time brings us. Is it an awakening or a disaster? Is it a lie or the truth? Am I just crazy or have I just not quite graduated to insane? The good thing is that (and you always have to have a good thing) I have lived my life for the most part, bathed in honesty and dressed in honor. So if tomorrow looks like Hiroshima, today looks like just another normal sunny day in Miami. And as the ball is counted down in Time Square and the fireworks go off near the Eifell Tower, I am here surrounded by what is mine, by those that love me and although it took hard work and sacrifice, I can add my self to that list. That HAS to be enough, isn’t it?
I am very flattered at being read as “Full of Intimate Wisdom”! I was aiming for “Ultimate Sarcastic Smartass” – boy, did I miss the mark.
Seriously, it was not a post intended to bemoan the passing of time, I have already beaten that poor dog to death. For some reason it tickled me to hear everyone so fed up with this year, and realizing that I, too, have automatically said the same thing every damned new year. It suddenly felt silly, all of it – so in having that same sense of being a bit of a bystander myself, I was having a chuckle at my own expense.
Yes, you are crazy, no you have not graduated to insane, and sometimes I harbor a tiny secret – maybe we are not all that crazy, hmm, just roll the idea around a bit, see how it tastes.
All of our destinies are ultimately in someone else’s pocket, just not today. I try to stick to the forecast right now because forecast for the future has a tendency to worry me. Worry produces paralysis produces depression.
Of course, this is right now. Ask me in an hour and I may be staring at the floor, unable to budge. Ever flowing, misbehaving mind.
Re: your last statement. I guess I would have to ask, “enough for whom?” If the answer is “Enough for me” then you’ve got it licked, in my opinion. At this point I can only punch my own clock and keep my own checkbook, and do my best to stay out of the way of the fiery balls of shit raining around us twenty-four/seven.
And yes, reality stretches to the limit and snaps back with a loud crack when your ER doctor is still driving with a learners permit.
I disliked him the moment I saw him. Poor guy! Didn’t have a chance in hell. In his favor though….he was right. It has to be enough for ME! Since counting to one is all I can muster right now!
“It is New Years Eve, Tomás and I are going to eat warm pumpkin pie and watch something very silly on television, nothing fancy”. – INFINTE WISDOM
OKAY! You win! If warm pumpkin pie and laughing = Infinite Wisdom, then I am a wise old broad with an infectious laugh and a fat ass.
So this is what it sounds like when doves cry…
No, when doves cry it sounds like a distant flock of seagulls. A-ha!
yes…just what I needed! I enjoyed it and when I was finished reading had a big smile on my face.
Oh I am glad you enjoyed it – I understand those kinds of days – just need a respite from your own crankiness – best remedy is to hop on someone else’s!
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Brilliant!!!! So clever, and so on point. You knocked it out of the ballpark. Now I’m craving some warm pumpkin pie….